There are two kinds of people in the world: those who get science jokes and those who don't. If you're in the first group, congratulations — this is your moment. If you're in the second group, don't worry: exposure to these jokes is proven to increase humor comprehension by at least 47.3% (margin of error: ±everything).
⚗️ Chemistry Jokes
Joke #1
Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything!
Joke #2
I told a joke about noble gases once.
No reaction.
Joke #3
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution!
Joke #4
A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a beer?" The bartender says:
"For you, no charge."
Joke #5
Why did the chemist read so many books about helium?
He couldn't put them down.
Joke #6
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh. (No I.)
I'd make a chemistry pun, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It went OK.
H2O is water. H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. H2O3 would just be weird.
⚛️ Physics Jokes
Joke #10
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar.
And doesn't.
Joke #11
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein counts while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal draws a 1m² square and stands in it. Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes and sees Pascal immediately. He says:
"Got you, Pascal!" Pascal grins: "Actually, you found Newton — one Newton per square meter is a Pascal!"
Joke #12
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellboy asks: "Can I help you with your luggage?" The photon replies:
"No thanks, I'm travelling light."
Joke #13
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and asks: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies:
"No, but I know exactly where I am!"
Joke #14
Two atoms are walking. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks: "Are you sure?" First atom replies:
"I'm positive!"
I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
What did the quantum physicist say before the bar fight? "Let me atom."
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
🧬 Biology Jokes
Joke #18
Why did the biology student get bad grades?
Because he kept forgetting to mitosis his assignments.
Joke #19
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The nucleus.
Joke #20
Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties?
Because he was a real fun-gi!
Joke #21
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
The bartender nods — he's seen it before.
Joke #22
What did the left brain say to the right brain?
"Between us, we have it all figured out!"
DNA stands for National Dyslexia Association. (Look again.)
I was going to study evolution, but I felt it was beneath me.
📐 Math Jokes
Joke #25
Why was the math book depressed?
It had too many problems.
Joke #26
What's a math teacher's favorite dessert?
Pi!
Joke #27
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Joke #28
I asked my friend to calculate the circumference of a circle. He replied:
"I'm going around in circles trying to figure it out."
Joke #29
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Joke #30
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders 1 beer. The second orders ½ a beer. The third orders ¼. The bartender pours 2 beers and says "You guys need to know your limits."
Why did the statistician drown in a lake of average depth 3 feet? It had a mean of 3 but a mode of 15.
Algebra: the subject where you wonder "why is there a letter in my math?"
💻 Computer Science Jokes
Joke #34
Why do programmers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs!
Joke #35
A SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks:
"Can I join you?"
Joke #36
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.
Joke #37
A programmer's wife tells him: "Go to the store and get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." He comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
"They had eggs."
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
A computer science student is asked "What's 2+2?" — "An integer or a float?"
🌍 Earth Science & Astronomy Jokes
Joke #40
Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything — including the earth, the sun, and your bad excuses.
Joke #41
How do astronomers organize a party?
They planet.
Joke #42
What did Mars say to Saturn?
"Give me a ring sometime!"
The moon has been getting complaints from Earth. The ocean keeps trying to follow it home.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
🏆 Bonus: 10 Best Science Riddles
Riddle #1
I have no weight, no mass, and I can be seen — but not touched. I travel at the fastest speed in the universe. What am I?
Light!
Riddle #2
The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?
Footsteps.
Riddle #3
I have cities but no houses, mountains but no trees, and water but no fish. What am I?
A map!
Riddle #4
I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?
An echo!
Riddle #5
What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
A river!
🔬 Science Books & Brain Teasers
Puzzle books, brain teasers, and science humor collections — perfect gifts for the nerd in your life.
Browse Science Books on Amazon.ca →